I get this feeling, usually when I have had a very hard work day or long hours of physical work. You lock up, get your stuff, or just simply leave. It is starting to get dark as you get in the car... You roll the windows down and just drive... Your body is exhausted but your mind is still racing, thinking about the present and the future.

Well, there it is.... Clarity...

I get these brief moments where things are quite, a mere minute or two of solitary, and a beautiful starlit sky... I am thinking clearly when I am transcended into these 'bubbles' of time that sits still for me. I can think about what I am doing, what I will be doing, what I should be doing instead, maybe a better idea or two or something random to make life easier. I can even take a deeper look into my own soul. It is almost spiritual the way I can peer into anything in that moment...

But then, I 'wake up' and realize I need to get in the house... I have homework, preparation for work the next day, routines to get the kids asleep, conversations with scheduling for the days to come, and the list can go on and on. Life gets just a little too busy sometimes and I NEVER get to look at myself or what might be better for me. (Now, I am not trying to be selfish but I have let myself go for many years now).

I NEED to have more of those moments of clarity. The last time I had one like that was literally almost 5 years ago in my back yard!! That is a long time to take a look at everything happening around you. I made a vow that night... (Thursday night.... right after physical labor and almost 5 hours of classes...). I will be doing a whole SLEW of things differently in the coming days....

So yes... my true love.... it seems to be clarity itself. I need to really start paying more attention to her and give more presence to the thoughts I have around her. Clarity itself will change my life...

Ok, a quick overview to relate to my questions and rants... I was in the military for 28 months. It was the Air Force with a hard service of not telling anyone anything. It sucks, but it was awesome while it lasted. So, I am a pretty immaculate guy when it comes to my living space. I honestly could do quite well with the following items in my entire house:

A bed, a tv, (maybe a playstation to go along with it), a few bookshelves, a set of dishes, 2-3 pairs of shoes depending on climates, 4-5 changes of clothes, a couch, a good gun, a vegetable garden, and possibly a dog. This does not include necessary things like toiletries, soap, laundry detergent, etc...

So, obviously I was in military high school and def in the military. I fit really well because I could adapt to this lifestyle. If there is not a place for something, I can easily just throw it in the trash. If there is something that I love, I can always download, scan, or save anything to a flash drive for whatever. If there was something that I used to have, I could have taken pictures of it and easily tossed it out after that. I hope you can get the point I am trying to make.

Now, I have a wife and a family... I have had quite a family for the past 8 years this December. My kids LOVE the way things work around me but my wife thinks it might be a little much. Now, I don't throw all their toys away (keeping what they love the most), I scan their schoolwork and save it to my computer to see (saves desk space), I try to keep them on a routine for bed and homework (they do need sleep and good grades), and fun times are the simple things like going to the park or the zoo.

So, my question is: is that wrong? I like structure and a routine, as do my little ones. It sounds boring but it works when you have 4 little kids running around the house.. lol. Either way, I love my 4 kids and I do my best as a father. My wife helps out a LOT when it comes to the house and being a mother. I have work, then grad school Monday through Thursday in the evenings, and hardly any time at home anymore. Kinda sucks...

So to sum it up, I let the immaculate lifestyle of mine slide a little. I would almost have to.. lol. Just any thoughts is ok with me. Just looking to shake things up and maybe pick it back up a little more. (Now that I am through having kids!! lol).